Sitting here on my friend’s porch, post yoga, in the Florida humidity, I am grateful. I have been realizing over the last two weeks that I haven’t been present in my own life in a long while. I have had short periods over the last year of being in the moment, landing in a new city to do some exploring has a way of forcing you to be present, but if I am honest even then my mind has been elsewhere. When I am home I am usually playing catch up with schoolwork and housework, and trying to get my shit together for the next jaunt. I am planning the next trip, counting down the days until departure, or wishing I were already gone. This has made my life at home seem like one obligation after another. When you cram all of your responsibilities into four days, so that you can leave every weekend, life can seem a little hectic!
I am beginning to see that I have been running since May of last year. I haven’t been necessarily running away from anything so much as running towards something, that something being an understanding of myself, what I want, and what I need in this life. I have learned what I like in a city, that I can do anything alone, and that I still use all kinds of weird tools to escape from life, and that long-distance dating is really not great for me. The traveling has been very beneficial and so much fun, but I am looking forward to spending more time at home, to a slower pace, and maybe even some structure!
I am spending the next couple of months at home, except for one short trip, and I am looking forward to it. I had forgotten about how wonderful my life can be when I am an active participant in it. I have great people in my life from all over, but I have been sadly neglecting those close to home. I have been living selfishly. I fully believe that it was something that I had to do, but it is time for it to come to an end. I have spent the last two weeks being mindful of staying present. Life already looks remarkably different, in part because of my change of perception and in part because I am present to take an active role in what is happening around me. There are so many amazing things to see and experience in life, but only when you are present to do so!