Last night I was lying in a bed in Brooklyn, wishing that I were home in Florida. What a difference a couple of weeks can make. All that I have thought about for months is escaping Florida and diving into the city. Now I cannot wait to fly home on Sunday and spend Memorial Day at the beach.
All of this may have a little something to do with the new man in my life, although new is kind of misleading. Truth be told, I was starting to question my decision to make the move come August even before he reappeared in my life. I had spent so much time on the road over the last year, that I had forgotten how much I really do enjoy my life in Florida, that is when I actually allow myself the time to enjoy it.
I consciously decided to spend my summer in Florida, other than this one trip to the city, to focus on some things that I have been neglecting. Within two full weeks of staying in one place, I really began to enjoy being home. I began to reconsider relocating; at least putting it off until after graduation and once I had found a job. I had even started to think that I should at least consider places other than New York City.
I had somehow convinced myself that what I am looking for could not possibly exist in Florida, since I had yet to find it. So I stopped looking in Florida. I looked elsewhere though. New York, Baton Rouge, even Long Island. Each of these searches ended with me disappointed and in tears. Tears of frustration mainly, as it was clear to me that I was setting myself up for this kind of let down. I decided to give up this search and focus on my life, where it is right now. I decided to firmly plant my feet in the present moment instead of somewhere off in the future or some other place.
It is amazing how quickly things can change when you allow yourself to actually be where you are. In reality, nothing changed, only my perception. My friends are no longer an obligation that I have to fit into the crammed 4 days that I spend at home getting ready for the next trip, they are a joy and a blessing. My house is no longer a war zone of travel bottles and dirty laundry waiting to be washed and repacked, but a welcoming home. All of a sudden I have the time to enjoy where I live because I am not cramming all of my responsibilities into too few days. Once I slowed down beautiful and amazing things started to unfold around me.
These things that are unfolding are both wonderful and a little scary. They are unfamiliar. Being in the present is still a challenge for me. I have to constantly pull myself out of the pretend worlds that I create in my mind. The payoff, I am finding, is more than I could have imagined. Things have happened that I would never have dreamed possible Being present has given me the opportunity to be available to receive the gifts that come along. It has allowed me to make conscientious decisions based on the reality of situations and not on what I would like them to be. It doesn’t mean that everything is smooth sailing; just that I can be present and breathe through whatever comes. And in this current moment, I am reminded that I am in my favorite city in the world with one of my favorite people. I have a full day left to enjoy and explore. Two more opportunities to start my day with a fresh bagel and a long walk with my adoptive dog. I have one and a half more days to eat like calories are a myth and it is Saturday in Brooklyn so Smorgasburg is on the agenda! Sunday evening and coming home to his smiling face will come soon enough. Now is for this moment. Now is for New York. ❤